I spent two days following the November elections feeling very depressed. And then it hit me.

Golly, I don't have to be – can't be – RESPONSIBLE for anything political, for the time being, anyhow. The Republicans are in charge. They will be the ones RESPONSIBLE for anything that happens in the next two years.

A great sense of relief washed over me. I relaxed, and suddenly the situation got a whole lot more humorous.

For instance, what will happen once the Republicans stop giggling? For a group that has been complaining for years about the lack of RESP0NSIBILITY in this country, first will come a period of confusion. You see, it's easy to suggest the most absurd and simplistic solutions to complex problems when there is zero chance of having any of them taken seriously. Except that the Republicans are now faced with people who took them seriously and who voted for them in record numbers.

Overheard: That Republican dog has been yapping after that bus for a long time. Now he's caught it, and he's going to have to figure out what to do with it.

So the question, Miss Manners, is this: At the congressional banquet table, how do you spit whole mouthfuls of words into the napkin without anyone noticing? Newt Gingrich is already testing out various techniques. Just what does, ''Cooperation yes, compromise no'' mean to you?

And how about those folks around Limestone who voted against Tom Andrews because of his stand on saving taxpayers' money by closing Loring? What do they think of practically the first words out of Newt's mouth threatening Head Start, Medicaid and Job Corps? That's Job Corps, as in, the major new proposed training site scheduled for Loring to help ameliorate the effects of the base closing.

Tune in tomorrow, folks, when we will try to answer these intriguing questions:

    Will Olympia Snowe vote against her newly empowered party on this one?
    Will she be any more successful saving Job Corps for Loring than she was in saving Loring itself?

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News story. The political cartoonists are rubbing their hands in great glee. Something about having a speaker of the house named after a lizard. Followed by a discussion on the origin of the species.

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Prediction: EITHER the Republican tide will be so outrageous in its offerings that the backlash will knock us all off our feet

OR the Republican leadership will pull a rabid anti-commie Richard Nixon on us and go to China – meaning they will make a lot of noise, and end up doing responsible things that will be the envy of Barney Frank.

* * *

Question: Democrats have the Donkey. Republicans an Elephant. What will the Greens have? Suggestion: a Chia Pet.

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So, OK, you don't want to put this one away until you figure out just what did happen in the election in Maine.

My read: The progressives stayed home in the woods in droves
AND/OR the progressives don't exist in enough numbers to make a difference in Maine
AND/OR the bulk of the Maine electorate is not receptive to the deep-down principles on which we base our philosophies of life.

If you're in the first category, I certainly hope you learned your lesson this time. You got what you deserved. Unfortunately, you dragged the rest of us in there with you.

Possibility two can be changed only by importing all our friends who aren't already here. Risky. Might rouse the natives.

You think this is silly? Remember, this is the state where the 1994 Bangor Daily News editorial endorsing Olympia Snowe chastised Tom Andrews for ''purposely'' leaving out of his TV ads that he grew up in Massachusetts. It said ''avoiding the fact raises questions.'' I have yet to find anyone who will tell me exactly what questions his 20-year residency in Maine raises. But it was in the newspaper, so it must be true.

The third reason goes like this: It doesn't matter a rip how well a candidate gets his or her message out if the electorate does not see as valuable those traits the candidate is crowing loudest about. It's like pitching a color TV signal to a stereo set. The equipment is simply not designed to pick up the visions. And if the stereo does respond to any signal at all, you'll just get complaints about the music.

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Prediction: Rush Limbaugh is in trouble. He has made a mint convincing people they are the victims of the Democrats and of a government not of their own making. Now the Democrats are no longer calling the shots, and his listeners clearly feel this government is theirs.

After a few weeks of crowing, Rush will only have President Clinton to dump on – unless he goes back to picking on Chelsea. He can't dump on his buddies, now in charge. He will, in fact, become the apologist for the Republicans, and he just won't be any fun anymore.

Irony – every one of his devoted listeners is attributing the Republican rout directly to him. I've noticed he doesn't sound too happy about it.

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Yes, politics is suddenly much more interesting when you're not in charge. Sort of like having grandkids: You didn't make the decision to bring them into the world, but you'll play as long as it's fun – and you get to hand them back to their folks when they get cranky.

– The Maine Progressive